The Vortex

God please teleport me out of this place or all the people here. Sedona is beautiful; I just have a low tolerance for non-coastal Americans. They come to Sedona for the Spiritual Vortex believed to be present as a result of the rock formations. What are these people smoking? And can I get some? Other than heavy Americans walking around clad in patriotic clothing (some of my own non-nuclear family members were guilty of this) people seemed to have an overwhelming sense of spiritual being in this place. All the non-rental cars (except Fox cars, which I suspect were far and few) were maneuvering around town plastered with patriotic bumper and magnetic stickers (my aunt's van that she drove up from Huston, TX was an astounding example). I had difficulty distinguishing tourists from locals, but I suspected most were from out of town as Sedona is a tourist destination. I got multiple tastes of the one local bar Sedona had to offer. My bro and I cruised in the Bat Mobile to The Vortex, the only and best place for Sedona nightlife. The first night we were there it was painfully obvious that we were not locals. In fact I recognized and drank with three employees of the Sedona Hyatt. Great people, all our age and so nice, but maybe it was because I was buying the rounds. I found it interesting that the band performing that night would make regular shout-outs to American troops abroad between sets. They ended the night with, "Were gonna find the Bin-Laden son-of-a-bitch, DEAD or ALIVE!" I was drunkenly thinking to myself, "Did they really just say that? Because it's so perfect for this project." I wrote myself a cocktail napkin reminder note. This act prompted curiosity from our newfound local friends, to which I explained this project while my brother silently engaged in text-message-sex with his boyfriend from Connecticut. The three drunken locals I was with each expressed the same view that the War in Iraq was the right thing to do, and Bush was the greatest president ever. “My god," I thought to myself. "This is a red state; rocks and people." I'd hate to know what they thought about gay marriage, or if they had any idea they'd just spent a night out with a pair of gay brothers. In other strange events, my grandmother announced she was cooking a ham instead of a turkey for Thanksgiving. A family coos ensued after this announcement.